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Mum.

How do you carry on

When your heart breaks?

Going through the motions

Numb, on auto pilot.

Two fractured sides

One screaming at the

Unreality of your leaving.

The other….just existing

In a sureal reality.

Dam will break, eventually.

Or I will revert to the

Old habits.

Burying the pain, self medicated

In unhealthy ways.

I feel so lost, so alone!

50 years of you always there,

A mothers love is unconditionally mine.

My longest friend, strongest supporter

And the one who loved me

With deepest love.

To see the life leave you,

Your eyes grow dim, glassy,

Your breath, labouring

My fear, even then you were trying

To calm me.

I miss you.

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Be the best you can be.

What an amazing few weeks it has been. Some amazing highs and lowest of lows.  It is one of those cross road seasons, which road to take? Hmm, we shall see. The rest of my year is going to be full on and will no doubt fly by.

Seriously ūüíĖ studying again, it is so cool. This is my time to shine and you can bet that ¬†I’m sure as hell not going to let anything, stop me. The future is bright and I ¬†know you ¬†all have been a huge comfort, and support. ¬†Know I ¬†appreciate each and everyone of you who have ¬†had my back over the last few years.

Working the process

humility

Below is part of a post I shared with a FB group. ¬†It is an interesting time in my life as I acknowledge, heal and release. ¬†Allowing myself to feel the emotions I’ve been so scared to show for fear of never being able to stand the pain that goes with.

BUT by not doing so I’m treading water,staying put and not moving forward into my destiny calling. ¬†So even though it is only a few months into these big life decisions I am confident it will be ok in the end. ¬†Forgiving is key, being gentle on me is key, allowing others in is key….this is what I shared,

‘I’m working through a lot of grief and wondering why I have suffered through so much…I was on holidays a week or so ago and had a breakthrough whilst chatting with a very wise lady. I cried, really allowed myself to cry for the first time in years…now it is hard to stop BUT thats ok…I’m releasing and healing…it’s all good. I know now that my pain and journey are going to be a light shining in the darkness to help others . That is my giving back…sharing my story incomplete as it is. God only knows why I’ve been through what I have, it is how we respond that makes the tragedies of life into victories..I choose to respond with an openness to hope, love and remaining kindhearted. hope that makes sense’

#GodOnlyKnows #Forgiveness #Kindness #PureLove

My Wish for you

My wish for you this Christmas

is a time of pure joy, deep happiness,

lasting memories and abiding love.

I wish you…the very best in life

contenment and satisfaction in relationships,

fun and laughter that comes

from the heart of a child, lover, family or friends.

I wish your 2015 to be the best yet.

Filled with dreams turning to reality,

the embers bursting to flame,

the passionfilled life!

I wish you mega blessings and

a deep heart felt thank you for being

in my life.

Love…completely, deeply and passionately!

Allow no one, no thing or situation bring you down…merry_christmas_everyone

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